Dateline, Düsseldorf!
In a move that’s sure to ruffle some feathers at Tesla HQ, a German court has officially ruled that Tesla’s Autopilot system is “unsuitable for use” due to a long-standing issue: phantom braking.
You know, that fun little quirk where your car slams the brakes for no reason.
Usually, it just makes you spill your kaffee. But on the Autobahn, where everyone drives like they’re late for a starring role in Fast & Furious: Stuttgart Drift, slamming the brakes could get you rear-ended by a V12 Mercedes going 124 mph (or an even 200 km/h for our readers on the Continent).
The Need for Speed Meets Inexplicable Stops
For those who haven’t had the pleasure, “phantom braking” refers to Tesla self-driving technology’s habit of panicking over imaginary obstacles and slamming the brakes… a well-documented bug that Tesla hasn’t been able to shake out of their software systems.
According to the Landgericht Traunstein (a regional court in Bavaria) which ruled on this case, an independent expert drove a Tesla Model 3 for 600 kilometers of Bavarian highways and experienced five separate phantom braking incidents.
One of those sudden slowdowns was particularly gnarly:
- Speed before braking: 87 mph (140 km/h )
- Speed after braking: 58 mph (94 km/h)
Imagine driving at Autobahn speeds, only for your car to decide it’s time for a leisurely cruise through a school zone. It’s only a hair shy of a 30 mph slowdown, that’s massive, and for no discernible reason. That’s how you create a multi-car pileup faster than you can say ‘Ludicrous Mode.’
Update: An eagle-eyed German-speaking reader points out that the expert’s report is publicly available. That report is located here! Most web browsers have a “translate” button in the top right hand corner and AI programs like ChatGPT also translate PDFs with reasonable accuracy, in case you want to hear directly from the source. According to the source, the test was stopped after the final phantom braking incident for the safety of the tester and other road users. Original story continues below! – Kay
“Was zum teufel?” – Your typical Autobahn driver wondering why their car autonomously cut speed by 1/3rd.
Court’s Verdict: “Fix It Again, Tesla!”
Germany doesn’t play around when it comes to car safety. Turns out, Germans drive EXTREMELY FAST, and build outstanding cars that can stand up to that challenge.
The court ruled that Tesla must address phantom braking and deemed Autopilot defective.
This follows an earlier German case in which a Munich court ordered Tesla to refund a Model X owner most of her €112,000 after Autopilot proved dangerously unreliable.
Even Tesla’s Biggest D-riders Acknowledge Phantom Braking
According to FutureAZA, he is no stranger to phantom braking errors in the USA. So, not altogether unlikely, based on his sort of dubious expert opinion as a Tesla-dependent influencer, that this could be occurring in Germany. He expressed no incredulity at the idea, at any rate.
Admittedly, his guest reads the sponsor-provided notes better before the interview, and he sticks to the script and reports that he has experienced phantom braking… obviously, because it is exceedingly common… but reports that it only occurred a long time ago!
He does go on to describe it as a “common thing that can happen” in a number of very commonplace road conditions. Among those conditions is driving into tunnels, which of course are exceedingly frequent in the Alps and Bavaria generally.
Wow, with financially-dependent fans like these… who needs irrational detractors!
Why do we censor the word derider and deriding at FuelArc News? Same reason we do anything over here, because it’s funny! In the spirit of the unnecessary censorship bit on Jimmy Kimmel. Obviously those aren’t swear words.
Why This Matters: The Future of Tesla’s “Self-Driving” Dreams
Tesla markets itself as an “AI robotics company” rather than a car manufacturer. That means software is the whole product, and software that randomly panic-brakes is a problem.
The German ruling shows regulators are finally catching on in Europe.
A few ideas here…
- This isn’t a bug, it’s a feature. Tesla has had years to fix phantom braking but hasn’t.
- Germany is forcing Tesla to act, which sets a precedent for other countries.
- Tesla fans even admit the problem. When folks like FutureAza are willing to admit it’s bad, it’s bad. It’s worse than bad, actually.
Phantom braking isn’t just annoying… it’s dangerous, and in Germany, it’s now legally recognized as a defect. If Tesla keeps playing the “nothing to see here” game, we might see even harsher penalties down the road.
The Autobahn is not the place for phantom hunting, Elon. Fix your flipping software.
Edit from your flabbergasted editor, Kay Leadfoot: The AVERAGE speed in the left hand lane on the Autobahn is 150 mph. Mein gott! The top speed I have ever achieved is less, and I have to tell you, I hit that mark on a very flat desert track in an absolutely cro-magnon Dodge Challenger SRT (on a closed course with my lawyer, your lawyer, and most of the Supreme Court present). To have your software slam on the brakes with cars around clocking that kind of speed… well, I can see why our colleagues in Düsseldorf are concerned!
Edit update: Our readers in Germany point out that “average” speed is difficult to quantify in the left hand lane of the Autobahn. 150mph is allowed in the unrestricted sections, but… uncommonly sporting, according to the folks who would know!
