Let’s say your Cybertruck pops a tire, or needs a new windshield, or you just looked at it funny and the glued-on stainless steel panels fell off. No worries! Tesla’s got you covered.
You can now finance your repairs through Affirm or Klarna, because if there’s one thing America needs, it’s more high-interest debt attached to cars folks already can’t afford.
A Subscription Model for Auto Repair (God That Really Sucks to Type)
This new “Pay Later” option is now available in Tesla Service Centers in the U.S. and Canada and can be used for everything from basic maintenance to parts installation. Just tap a few buttons in the Tesla app, sign away a chunk of your future paychecks, and boom… you’re the proud owner of a newly installed pair of brake pads.
You might be thinking, “Wait, aren’t these the same cars that are supposed to be cheaper to maintain because they don’t have transmissions or oil changes?” They are! And yet somehow Tesla owners now find themselves running a credit check just to keep their EVs roadworthy.
For Instance, Buying a New Windshield (With The Installment Plan)
For example, let’s say your Cybertruck needs a new windshield assembly. No problem, that’s only $2,195. That’s just the part, by the way. Labor sold separately.
To put that in perspective: My first car cost less than that. (Pour one out for my sweet baby Mitsubishi Mirage. I won’t say what year, but y’all can guess). Now, if you’re not a car person, a windshield normally costs something like $600-$1,200 including the labor. Tesla stuff is overpriced.
With Klarna’s highest interest rate, you could be paying 35.99% APR interest on that purchase. Affirm rounds that up, to an even maximum of 36% APR. WOW.
Doing the Math on Financing Your Repairs
For instance: If you need to pay $2,442 to the Tesla Service Center to replace your windshield, you can instead break that into monthly payments… and if it takes you a year to pay down your debt at 36% APR, that’ll add on about $732 in interest charges. Which raises your price for an already super-expensive windshield to a whopping $3,174 and change.
This is the natural endpoint of Tesla’s vertical integration model, where Tesla makes the car, sells the car, diagnoses the car, repairs the car, and now fronts you the money to fix the car… with convenient apps that charge you absolutely exorbitant interest.
It’s the Apple Genius model, applied to the automobile. It’s not like you can shop around, hardly any mechanics know how to work on Teslas, and so they have you cornered. In their infinite grace, Tesla will let you break the bill into easy payments with APR rates that make loan sharks and payday lenders nod in begrudging respect.
Why Not Just Lower the Costs, Though?
The Chevrolet (remember them?) Equinox EV is a runaway hit. It’s flourishing because it’s competently built and dirt cheap, and that speaks to a segment of the motoring public (myself included!).
Tesla is not a car company offering convenience when they offer to finance your repair bill. This is a car company recognizing that it’s service division is unaffordable, and instead of solving the pricing problem, it’s monetizing the pain point.
This is “you can’t afford to maintain this car” turned into a feature. Unfortunately, this is a feature for Tesla stockholders and buy-now-pay-later app founders, not for you as a driver.
This “Feature” Sucks.
The Tesla Service Center was never known for affordability, but this is a new low. American auto affordability is the worst it’s been in decades. New car prices are up. Used car prices are out of control. Imported auto parts are getting a 25% tariff. And now? We’re financing the repairs to keep the cars roadworthy, too.
Who’s this good for? Tesla, Affirm, and Klarna. That’s about it.
Everyone else, buckle up… because your next tire replacement might totally ruin your credit score.
