Somewhere in Texas, a Cybertruck owner saw the words “Wade Mode” and thought, let’s put that to the test.
So he drove his Cybertruck down to Grapevine Lake, apparently to test the feature. The truck quickly became disabled. Thankfully the power windows didn’t lock up, and the people inside got out safely. Then Grapevine Fire pulled the truck back out with a crane, like the world’s worst pirate treasure.
“Yo Sir, You Can’t Park Over There…”
OK, let’s start with the rap sheet, because it’s funniest this way.
According to Fox 4, the driver is being held in Grapevine Jail as of Tuesday afternoon, with violations including:
- Having no valid boat registration.
- Operating a vehicle in a closed section of a park or lake.
- Plus, numerous water safety equipment violations.
Yep, turns out, if you’re going to go out on the lake, you’ve got to have life jackets and all the other required safety gear. I mean, jeez louise, I’ll take two vests if the lake-going vessel is a Cybertruck. In fact, I would rather swim, and I can hardly swim, feels like a safer bet.
Independent Testing Shows: Wade Mode Is Not Boat Mode
So, I guess we could say that the Wade Mode test results were… conclusive.
Wade Mode is for shallow water crossings. Think creek, not lake. Tesla even says the maximum wade depth is “approximately 32 inches” in the manual, measured from the bottom of the tire.
I love when a spec sheet gets shy about the specifics and says “approximately.” Conveniently, the Cybertruck’s tires are also approximately 32 inches tall, and the weird part, you can totally see the top of the tires of the bricked Cybertruck, so it appears within spec for Wade Mode (approximately).
So, a little more than two and a half feet of Boat Mode. Not quite the height of the hood, not the height of the lake, and not nearly the height of a Cybertruck driver’s hubris.
Wait, Isn’t the Cybertruck Supposed to Be a Boat, Though?
Now, it’s not a crime to think the Cybertruck could handle water below the top of the wheels. Lots of trucks can handle that amount of water, and the Cybertruck’s hype-cycle made a big deal out of its waterproofing.
With a battery pack that explodes if it’s exposed to too much salt water, the waterproofing is a fire safety feature, in addition to giving you silly little gimmicks like Wade Mode. It’s like a button that gives your truck a d-breather and snorkel, only it apparently doesn’t work, unlike those two very basic off-roading upgrades!
Plus, there’s the time the CEO tweeted that the Cybertruck would drive through “open seas.” Eventually, maybe even sail from Starbase to South Padre Island, which is a half-kilometer of deep saltwater.
It’s not a crime to believe all that. It is, however, a crime to test the theory without life jackets and a boat registration. Whoops!
Submarine Mode Works Fine
If I had a nickel every time a Cybertruck driver re-enacted the end of The Perfect Storm while casting themselves as George Clooney, I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Tesla Cybertruck sinks in Ventura Harbor
by u/HipHopAnonymous23 in venturacounty
The Wreck of the Edmund(s) Fitzgerald
Context: Today, the Cybertruck is currently rated 4.7/5.0 stars on Edmunds by a shocking number of guys who ponied up for Tesla’s most controversial car/boat.
Listen, I love EVs, they’re fast and cool. I love weird features, too. Hell, I even love leaping before you look.
But, come on, guys. That’s the local boat ramp, not exactly a “professional driver on a closed course.” It’s called Wade Mode, and that’s not exactly a permission slip to treat a $100,000+ stainless wedge like it’s a Jet Ski.
