Look at this Cybertruck, stuck in a literal parking space. That MIGHT be 3 inches of snow? Probably less… it just has a 3-inch berm. I could escape that spot on rollerskates.
Cyberstuck Again, As Traffic Passes Without a Second Thought
Here’s another Cybertruck stuck in the snow, also in Montreal, getting passed on the left by a Honda Fit… which is not exactly an off-roading monster. It’s just a cute little guy, a rabbit-shaped subcompact with 7.5-inch wide tires.
I don’t know, I’d bet that’s… what, 4 inches of snow? Maybe 5 inches, if we’re being charitable like my therapist says I ought to try out? Little enough that if that’s me, I’m not checking if the roads are plowed before I go to work in a bone-stock Tacoma.
And the Honda Fit waits to let the Cybertruck merge in front, before realizing it’s just not gonna happen. Talk about awkward!
The Canadian weather might be claiming sweet revenge on Tesla for all bagging all those suspicious subsidies, and then threatening to sue when the government started an investigation.
Even the Professional Cybertruck Fans are Getting Stuck
One Cybertruck influencer tried to stage a video where he pretended to be stuck, then he would dunk on the haters by casually driving away.
Well, he got halfway through that plan… and honestly, that’s about par for the course at this point.
Sucks to suck. Time to dig out, or put down some cutting-edge Cybersand™, I guess.
Because it’s funny, guy claimed there was ice under the snow. Looks like powder to me from the footprints, but I’m sure it’s like he says, slick as wet glass under that very manageable-looking terrain.
No fall marks, either, so our guy must be more surefooted on ice than his “truck”… or have some solid crampons… or there just isn’t any ice down there. You can probably cut through all that with Occam’s Razor if you feel like it.
Subaru Drivers Make It Look Easy
Just in case you’re wondering how a splendidly affordable 2019 Subaru Impreza wagon fares in the snow… here you go.
Set to girliepop music, for the vibes:
Look at those Subaru drivers go, enjoying that frigid wind in their hair and not getting stuck in even legitimately tricky snow driving. I can practically hear the 4-cylinder engine whispering: “What, like it’s hard?”
Tesla fans love to whine about tires being the cause of their… ahem… performance issues. That Subaru, with its $20,980 MSRP, is rocking a set of Firestone F140 All-Seasons. So, non-garbage performance can be achieved on cheap all-season tires… if your car wasn’t designed by a toddler on an Etch a Sketch.
The story behind the story: That was the hardest research for this article. Snow-stuck Cybertrucks are easy to find. I had to go dig up original 2019 press photos of one specific Subaru econo-wagon, find the one with a zoomed-in wheel photo, and REALLY squint at it to read the tire specs. Sent me down a whole rabbit hole. I may be a terrible comedian/journalist, but I’m also a terribly detail-oriented comedian/journalist.
The Cybertruck is “Built for Any Planet*”
*But your mileage will DEFINITELY vary… especially if your planet has snow.
Or pedestrians.
Or car crashes.
Or, y’know… better trucks.
Tell you what… I’ll let you know when we find a planet the Cybertruck is a passable truck on.
Who knows, maybe it’ll be Mars?
