Another day, another Cybertruck being towed from somewhere nobody really ought to need a tow from.
Take a look, Toyota Sienna to the rescue:
A Very Non-Standard Rescue
OK, so if you know what you’re looking at, this whole video is a goat rodeo.
First off, the back hatch on that Toyota Sienna is up. There is no reason to tow with your hatch up like that. What the eff. But then we see the rescue strap threaded into the passenger cabin low.
Is it tied to the seat rail? Or maybe the hatch latch? Either one is an insane move. The stuck truck is 3 or 4 tons. None of that hardware is structural, much less for that kind of weight.
If the strap is tied to interior hardware, it is not a tow point. It is a break point.
Oh, and while the principle of wood under the wheels is a good idea, as with everything in life, the quality of the wood matters. Don’t use random fence posts or driftwood. Use something flat and dry, like a 2×4 (if you’re rich enough to afford a spare) or a purpose-built traction board.
You know what, why am I nitpicking? If nobody’s stuck and nobody’s dead, the rescue was an unvarnished success. Get that lady a Monster Energy hat, she’s one of us now!
How Do You Not Get Stuck on Sand, Anyhow?
So, if you find yourself wanting to drive on sand, probably don’t worry about it. If the sand is hard-packed or dusted over pavement, just drive over it like normal. Land speed records are set on hard-packed sand and salt flats. You’ll probably be fine.
If it’s loose sand, drive around it. What are you doing, anyway? There is never a sand dune between you and where you want to be.
If you absolutely must drive over sand, do this:
- Lower your tire pressure. Your owner’s manual will tell you how low you can go. Less air means more tire surface area touching the ground, which is more gooder.
- Go slow. EVs struggle with this, given all that instant torque. Feather the accelerator.
- Activate 4WD. For some inexplicable reason, this Cybertruck is 2WD. Maybe it’s one of the 173 rear-wheel drive only Cybertrucks that were sold?
Take this advice from a gnarled old hoonigan who has never gotten stuck in the Sarlacc pit: you really don’t need to be driving on sand. But if you feel moved to, I’m not your mother, go for it. Just don’t be dumb about it.
Staged Cybertruck Recoveries Are a Thing
Look at this. Elon Musk widely publicized this after a particularly embarrassing example went viral of a Ford pickup rescuing a Cybertruck prototype in testing on a very tame hill.
Cybertruck to the rescue!
by u/voodooftw in electricvehicles
On Twitter, this video has 2 million or so views, due in large part to amplification by Elon Musk.
Now, you would be forgiven for thinking it’s real. The only problem, that Toyota is blue (but covered from tire to hood in mud). The Cybertruck is… well… stainless!
Literally, there’s hardly mud on the Cybertruck, not even on the bottom of the running boards. LOL, some off-road rescue, did it just drive out of a car wash? Trick question, because we all know Cybertrucks can’t survive car-washes.
Listen, there’s a whole burgeoning cottage industry of engagement bait, overlaid with AI voice overs, of Cybertrucks “rescuing” vehicles in setups that don’t quite make sense to experienced drivers. Irritating stuff.
Because we live in a dystopian information environment where billionaires can purchase social media networks and create infinite engines for what-about-ism, it’s suddenly unclear if Toyota or Tesla makes the better off-roading vehicle.
But something tells me, that Toyota minivan driver is not regretting her purchase.
